For Governance of Humans at the Level of Nations, Democracy Is Best!

So.

How do we decide things? Why, easily! Of course! As easy as you please and are able. Do all you wish and are able to do. If others wish to join in and you wish to have them - do! A pleasant and powerful arrangement! Who will this system frustrate? It will frustrate those who want to decide what others are to do. In other words: the tyrant. But this is beautiful! To frustrate the tyrant is our goal and dream, we will kill if need be to achieve this. Don't worry, need won't be (assuming the system holds up, fingers-crossed).

What then is tyranny? To constrain the liberty of another to do as they please and are able, without being able to show the compelling necessity of the restraint or prohibition, is tyranny. To destroy, defile or confiscate the property of another (such as one's own anything; a work of creation, a personal possession, a minor child, any property of one's own including especially one's own body) without being able to show the compelling necessity of the deprivation, is tyranny. Tyranny expresses in other, small ways as well, but these two are great.

What kinds of tyranny are there? The most common kind is usually called democracy. In theory rule by the people, democracy is a dream, an ideal filled with wonder and first concocted under the severe mental illness or social disorder driven idea that arguing over and voting on the minutiae of life could or should be a focus and pursuit for most people's lives. This is the ideal of democracy, mind you. That the people must have the say on decisions. But since it is manifestly obvious that people want the direct exercise of no such say, most systems that name-check the ideal bump the decision-work up to select delegates, for almost all aspects of rule. This, too, is arguably democracy: it is inarguably the peoples' will that it be so. The people's will, come to governance, is very clear: "I don't want to do this. Somebody else needs to do this! Can we get someone qualified?"

People believe they have a right to expect select delegates to do a good job. To handle minutiae decisions according to general principles laid out and campaigned upon, together in bodies of those who have volunteered and competed to provide such service, under the understanding that these servants shall be orderly, well-regulated, checked and balanced.

Hit and miss, in practice, that. But the theory as it has developed is still better than the actual ideal of democracy itself. Because people - sane people, intelligent people, well-balanced people - do not want to spend strife to decide what others are to do. Public service is a horrible job that attracts horrible people because the goal and practice itself is irredeemably sick. Those who throw themselves selflessly into it not for power, but to be the means to protect others from its abuse, are the greatest heroes modern society so far knows - and we do not know them. These heroes are legion, thankless, and mostly go nameless, and - they are always far, far too few.

Leave aside the huge world of gears, levers, where corporate machines and metamilitary entities engage in good-natured brinksmanship for amusement and gain, with only droves of human lives at stake. Leave aside the world where democracy is - well, all I've said above, yet remains undoubtedly the least of all so-far-enacted evils, at the level of national governance. Give democracy a chance. Let ideal system meet ideal world.

What is democracy, in an ideal world where humanity is what it is in all things human-scale, yet where corruption above that scale is not an issue, and where abuse of power is an idea such as to chuckle over?

Democracy is the tyranny of the tiny minority of people who enjoy the process of canvassing, campaigning, proselytizing and political finance over all of the vast majority of people who quite naturally have higher priorities in mind, such as: human life. The agonies and joys of those they know. Their next meal. Being able to function. Whether to keep trying when efforts to connect are met with scorn, rebuff, unease and ridicule. Disease and death too close to home. The act of sex, and all that that entails. Sports team oh no! You don't love me anymore. Oh my god it is so beautiful - you did that? What do you mean fired! What is that engine noise. You are the most beautiful woman I ever hoped to meet; you remind me of what - the rest of my life could be. God, this wine.

Do you want to argue with me and convince me some idiotically trivial thing with no bearing on what is true, good, important in life is better than another trivially idiotic thing of nigh-but-not-quite-identical relevance? GOOD! Welcome to the tiny minority! Be the tyranny you wish to see in the world. Rule in small ways over the lives of all those who refuse to lower their well-placed priorities to your fucked-up priorities, to the point where merely in order to "have the say" you say they must (so as not to be deemed apathetic, sheepish, complicit in the unjust), it would be necessary for them to do as you do: scream and chant over the distinctions they today (with their eyes on the fact that they have an actual life) can barely even see. Democracy is yours.

Well, yours and everybody else's who enjoys that sort of thing. Have fun with that. Don't get shot by anybody you're trying to make do things! Try to be one of the good ones. Please.

And fuck off while you're at it, would you? I mean, if you please. If you'd be so kind.

Good News for the World: Humanity Causes Climate Change

WASHINGTON - An upbeat tone reigned over the annual Environmental Sciences Conference at the Foundation Towards Reality summit in Washington D.C. this past week, where scientists announced that after a long period of controversy, it has been finally, conclusively proven that human activity is a primary cause of global climate change. "Anthropogenic" (human-caused) climate change is a reality.

"The news couldn't be better," enthused Dr. Lovell 'Lovey' Bubbage, chairman of the Research Sciences Institute Into Ecology, and keynote speaker at the conference. "A third-grade student knows that left to its own courses, Earth has been ping-ponging from global melt to global freeze and back again, all through its natural history. Now, finally, we know humanity has the power to affect this cycle."

Dr. Keanu Harrington of the Climate Studies Group elaborates: "As you know, we're in an ice age right now. The presence of year-round polar ice, by definition - that's an ice age. So we're either in a temporary warmer pocket - a thaw - within the current ice age to-be-resumed, or else we're at the tail end and coming out of the now-passing ice age. Either of these natural states spells bad news for humanity! We don't like nature like that. Nature embraces extremes: hot muggy winters with Wyoming submerged, all the way to nasty snowy summers with ice sheets reaching to Ohio. That's not how humanity likes nature. We want nice frosty caps of polar ice, wide temperate zones with four seasons to grow crops and build cities in, and a tropical belt around the middle for vacations."

But does humanity have as much influence as we need? Can we arrest nature at that happy medium, and keep it from going to its usual hot and cold extremes? "That has now become the question," notes natural historian and theoretical meteorologist Jeddo Phepps. "For too long, the naysayers were telling us we were helpless. Telling us no, humanity doesn't have this influence on the climate. Well that dismal picture is considerably brighter now! We know for an absolute fact: humanity does have influence, strong influence. With that controversy settled, we can focus our research and attention on understanding that influence. Directing it. We've proven dozens of mechanisms by which we do definitely affect the climate, and more are coming into view all the time. Some factors increase global temperature, others reduce it. Understanding these mechanisms is the only difference between anthropogenic climate change - and anthropogenic climate control."

What will this mean to the global warming debate going forward? "Well, it's over," says Dr. Abby McFey, summing up. "After years of political controversy and wrangling over whether we can affect climate, finally we can stop wasting time and money studying what-if, and put that funding towards how-to. With all the climate-changing tools we've discovered already, there's no reason careful research and application can't get the climate under control within this century."

(mostly) ALL-CAPS MOVIE-REVIEW #1: The Odd Life Of Timothy Green

I saw The Odd Life Of Timothy Green on the plane, and the less said about that freak and his fucking disgusting ankle-leaves the better.

I don't think any of the below is really a SPOILER, since all this crap can be pretty much inferred from the trailer. But still. It's a bit harsh. So I may be "spoiling the film," for some people. In some sense. "Spoiler Alert."

NO, YOU MYSTICAL LITTLE MUD-BIRTHED BASTARD: EVERYBODY'S *NOT* DIFFERENT. NOT LIKE THAT! NOT LIKE YOU ARE. AND NO, SORRY, IT'S *NOT* OKAY. IT COULD HAVE BEEN OKAY, MAYBE - BUT NOTHING YOU SAY AND NOTHING WE SEE EVEN BOTHERS TO TRY TO MAKE THAT SHIT OKAY! NOT WHEN YOUR "PARENTS" ARE SUCH BLATANT ASSHOLES THAT THE VERY BLATANCY OF THEIR INHERENT ASSHOLISH OBLIVIOUSNESS CAN MAGICALLY AND INEXPLICABLY INFECT AND HOODWINK THE ENTIRE TOWN INTO ACCEPTING THAT YOU'RE THEIRS, WITHOUT SOME KIND OF FUCKING EXPLANATION THAT INVOLVES PAPERWORK! AND ENROLL YOU IN SCHOOL?!?!? NO BIRTH CERTIFICATE!? NO FUCKING VACCINATION RECORDS!? MIRACLES LIKE THIS ARE NOT OKAY. NOT IN A FILM SET IN THE HERE AND NOW TODAY, POST-INTERNET, POST-MEGAN'S LAW, POST-PATRIOT ACT. DON'T GIVE US THE TRAPPINGS OF BIG BAD HARSH WORLD AND THEN MAKE EVERYBODY ACT LIKE A PLOT TOOL TO CONTRADICT THE PREMISE. YOU WANT TO TELL US WE'RE SUPPOSED TO ACCEPT THE POSSIBILITY OF MIRACLES IN THIS HARSH WORLD OF OURS? FINE! PRESENT US WITH SAID HARSH WORLD, AND THEN WORK A MIRACLE IN THERE! IT'S BEEN DONE BEFORE, IN THE MOVIES AT LEAST. BUT DON'T TELL US WE'RE SUPPOSED TO ACCEPT THE POSSIBILITY OF MIRACLES IN THIS HARSH WORLD OF OURS, ONLY TO SWAP OUT "HARSH WORLD" WITH "KINGDOM OF BUBBLEGUM SUGARLUMPS"! YOUR MESSAGE DOESN'T WORK, THEN, DOES IT? OF COURSE WE SHOULD EXPECT MIRACLES IN THE KINGDOM OF BUBBLEGUM SUGARLUMPS. THAT'S NO INSPIRATION AT ALL FOR US, HERE! NOT IN THE WORLD WHERE WE LIVE. AND SORRY KID, NEITHER ARE YOU. FUCK YOU AND YOUR DOPEY EXPRESSION. IF YOU'RE GOING TO ASK ME TO SUSPEND DISBELIEF, DON'T KEEP SHOOTING BBs AT MY MOOD BALLOON.

Yeah, yeah, I cried a little at the end, so what. Those were unearned tears. The whole movie sucked, apart from the performances which were generally quite fine. But the whole thing itself sucked.

If I cried, I was crying for whoever paid for tickets.

CHICK-FIL-A WAS ONLY THE BEGINNING! Now Introducing for a Limited Time: The Chicken McBigotry Sandwich!

If you're like me, you can't get enough of those tender delicious fast food chicken sandwiches, you love to pour your hard-earned patriotic dollars into causes that say it straight and traditional about American values, and you hate fags. But not everyone has a Chick-Fil-A near you! What to do?

Well, we've heard your cry. Come on down to one of our conveniently-located locations to satisfy that God-fearing Chicken-Loving Christian urge! Bite into the newest fundamentalist taste sensation: our new Chicken McBigotry Sandwich. One hot, white, juicy all-breast patty of delicious chicken, either baked up hot and healthy for the ladies watching their figure, or battered and crisp-fried to a golden decadence for the men, also watching their ladies' figure, but solely for the goal of procreation as seen through the sanctified eyes of the blessed union of holy matrimony: one man. One woman. And one chicken sandwich.

Either way you order it, you get it seasoned with our Secret Rub of spices and herbs, and slapped onto a pert, waiting bun, loaded up with crisp lettuce, red ripe tomato, and white tangy dressing for a chicken-y delicious taste sensation that your mouth won't be able to get a big enough bite of. Sized just right for a woman's appetite! And men? If I may be so bold, a touch of gluttony now and then for the sake of a good cause is no sin. Surely for the healthy, red-blooded appetites of an upstanding Christian man, one breast can't be enough to satisfy. Better make it a pair: one Double-Chicken McBigotry to go, please! There you are.

Ladies, you know you want this chicken sandwich. It's an all-natural celebration of the way God intended lunch to be: and at $2.99, it's a celebration of value, as well as values! Bite into something that sends the right message to the community, and to the nation. Men - what do you want in your mouth? A dick? Or a delicious crispy chicken sandwich. Go ahead. Send a moral message. Take a big man-sized bite, and look around at who's watching. They know what sandwich this is. And every bite you take of it, righteously, standing before God and in the eyes of the world - that's a bite that says: "I choose chicken - not dick - to fill my mouth."

Try the new Chicken McBigotry Sandwich! Available now for a limited time, only at participating franchises.

Notes On Language.

This site is intended as a repository of some damn serious criticism of the world, and as such, I don't intend to mince words. Two words in particular:

1. "retarded"

Acceptable uses: slowed or delayed in advancement, progress, or accomplishment.

Unacceptable uses: in reference to the developmentally disabled, or as an insult implying the target is of or like the developmentally disabled.

HOW I INTEND TO USE IT: as a pejorative term, meaning "gay."

2. "gay"

Acceptable uses: frolicksome! Prone to traipsing joyously! Light-hearted! Or, homosexual in a good way!

Unacceptable uses: in reference to homosexuals or homosexuality in a bad way, or as an insult implying the target is of or like a homosexual in a bad way.

HOW I INTEND TO USE IT: as a pejorative term, meaning "retarded."