I saw The Odd Life Of Timothy Green on the plane, and the less said about that freak and his fucking disgusting ankle-leaves the better.
I don't think any of the below is really a SPOILER, since all this crap can be pretty much inferred from the trailer. But still. It's a bit harsh. So I may be "spoiling the film," for some people. In some sense. "Spoiler Alert."
NO, YOU MYSTICAL LITTLE MUD-BIRTHED BASTARD: EVERYBODY'S *NOT* DIFFERENT. NOT LIKE THAT! NOT LIKE YOU ARE. AND NO, SORRY, IT'S *NOT* OKAY. IT COULD HAVE BEEN OKAY, MAYBE - BUT NOTHING YOU SAY AND NOTHING WE SEE EVEN BOTHERS TO TRY TO MAKE THAT SHIT OKAY! NOT WHEN YOUR "PARENTS" ARE SUCH BLATANT ASSHOLES THAT THE VERY BLATANCY OF THEIR INHERENT ASSHOLISH OBLIVIOUSNESS CAN MAGICALLY AND INEXPLICABLY INFECT AND HOODWINK THE ENTIRE TOWN INTO ACCEPTING THAT YOU'RE THEIRS, WITHOUT SOME KIND OF FUCKING EXPLANATION THAT INVOLVES PAPERWORK! AND ENROLL YOU IN SCHOOL?!?!? NO BIRTH CERTIFICATE!? NO FUCKING VACCINATION RECORDS!? MIRACLES LIKE THIS ARE NOT OKAY. NOT IN A FILM SET IN THE HERE AND NOW TODAY, POST-INTERNET, POST-MEGAN'S LAW, POST-PATRIOT ACT. DON'T GIVE US THE TRAPPINGS OF BIG BAD HARSH WORLD AND THEN MAKE EVERYBODY ACT LIKE A PLOT TOOL TO CONTRADICT THE PREMISE. YOU WANT TO TELL US WE'RE SUPPOSED TO ACCEPT THE POSSIBILITY OF MIRACLES IN THIS HARSH WORLD OF OURS? FINE! PRESENT US WITH SAID HARSH WORLD, AND THEN WORK A MIRACLE IN THERE! IT'S BEEN DONE BEFORE, IN THE MOVIES AT LEAST. BUT DON'T TELL US WE'RE SUPPOSED TO ACCEPT THE POSSIBILITY OF MIRACLES IN THIS HARSH WORLD OF OURS, ONLY TO SWAP OUT "HARSH WORLD" WITH "KINGDOM OF BUBBLEGUM SUGARLUMPS"! YOUR MESSAGE DOESN'T WORK, THEN, DOES IT? OF COURSE WE SHOULD EXPECT MIRACLES IN THE KINGDOM OF BUBBLEGUM SUGARLUMPS. THAT'S NO INSPIRATION AT ALL FOR US, HERE! NOT IN THE WORLD WHERE WE LIVE. AND SORRY KID, NEITHER ARE YOU. FUCK YOU AND YOUR DOPEY EXPRESSION. IF YOU'RE GOING TO ASK ME TO SUSPEND DISBELIEF, DON'T KEEP SHOOTING BBs AT MY MOOD BALLOON.
Yeah, yeah, I cried a little at the end, so what. Those were unearned tears. The whole movie sucked, apart from the performances which were generally quite fine. But the whole thing itself sucked.
If I cried, I was crying for whoever paid for tickets.
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